If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
