your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
