i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize