I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Are we still banned from the library?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
