I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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