clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
