What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm like, not good at living.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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