Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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