Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
