After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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