I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
