Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
