That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize