My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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