just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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