I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
