Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
