i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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