yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
