I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just cut my nipple shaving
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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