Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
