That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You can't special order awesome
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
