party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
