areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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