Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Randomize
