Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
