if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
