the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
