it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
