Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
