you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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