Where did you get a picture of my penis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
