it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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