but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
