We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
