That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
