Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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