I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
