At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
