I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
