she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize