It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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