I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
