I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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