Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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