I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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