there's paper in my vomit.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Randomize
