Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
