Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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