I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
