Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize