chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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