are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
