sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
