I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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