that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
