That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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