But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
