either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize