You can't motorboat a personality
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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