it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
