We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
