meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
