everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
