Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
