hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
