Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pants are for mortals
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
