Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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