I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
