another moral hangover. fuck.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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