You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize