If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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