I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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