just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
