What a fucking waste of an outfit
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
