If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im six kinds of drunk right now
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
